The great earring debate and other colorful commentary
I have to tell you that people lose their damn minds when they see a double stroller. I had heard and been warned from other twin moms that people would be curious, would make comments, would ask questions and would sometimes be inappropriate. I can now say that all of the above is true.
Most of the time it doesn't bother me if people ask about or comment on my girls. I understand that twins aren't all that common (though right now it really seems like they are. It's one of those situations like when you have a new car and you look around and it seems everyone has that same car. For me that is what having twins is like: I see them everywhere!). What does bother me is when people go in to touch them. Please don't. This is especially annoying when we are at the hospital or at the doctor's office. I don't know why you are there or what disease you might be carrying. Don't touch my babies. Thank you. I realize this might make me seem overly protective but if you haven't had the sucky experience of having your child in the NICU then you might not get it. I am not a germaphobe by any means but I do hate it when random strangers feel drawn to touch. I am mostly talking about older women which is why I cut them some slack and don't smack their hands away. Ok please excuse me going off on a tangent there.
The most common questions I get about the girls are:
-Are they twins?
-Are they identical?
-How old are they?
These are the questions I expected of course and don't bother me (although repeating the same canned responses can get old quickly). Besides those, people are often quite confused about the girls' gender. They are regularly mistaken for being boys even when they are decked out in all pink. Normally in their stroller they have pink blankets and yet people here in Spain usually assume they are boys. Why?? Well because they don't have their ears pierced. It's a very common practice here. In fact, I would say that most parents have their daughters' ears pierced before they even leave the hospital after they are born.
We have decided against it for now. I think it's something Vera and Laura can decide when they are older. This makes us a minority and seems to confuse the hell out of people. I often get asked whether they are boys and when I reply that no, they are both girls, the most common response is, "oh well since they didn't have their ears pierced..."
I don't judge other parents for having their girls' ears pierced, to each their own. (I will only really judge you if you don't vaccinate). I get doing it early before the baby will remember feeling anything. But again, I have had enough of seeing my babies poked and pricked. The NICU experience with its IVs, feeding tubes, incubators broke my heart. I saw my brand new little bitty babies as being so helpless. I couldn't imagine jamming a hole in their ears. People out and about obviously don't know our backgrounds but we hear about earrings from them on a regular basis. Whatever, I have learned to just smile.
Other comments we often receive:
-I bet you aren't bored.
-You've got your hands full.
-Now you don't have to have any more kids, right?
-Two?????!!!! (with a face of oh my god, better you than me)
-I bet you hope it's a boy and a girl so you can be finished (this was while I was pregnant, probably the most common thing that people would say. Apparently everyone wants one of each gender)
I have become quite efficient at just smiling and giving non-responses. I also have learned to laugh at people who try to sneak (not really the word since they have to usually put in quite a lot of effort to see when the stroller's canopies are up) a peak at the girls. I am curious to see if we get the same kind of attention when we are back in the U.S. this summer. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I will keep everyone updated.
In other news, Laura had her surgery this week and it went well. It wasn't a very complicated procedure but required general anesthesia so we spent the night at the hospital. Laura did great and we are all at home enjoying the weekend together.
Most of the time it doesn't bother me if people ask about or comment on my girls. I understand that twins aren't all that common (though right now it really seems like they are. It's one of those situations like when you have a new car and you look around and it seems everyone has that same car. For me that is what having twins is like: I see them everywhere!). What does bother me is when people go in to touch them. Please don't. This is especially annoying when we are at the hospital or at the doctor's office. I don't know why you are there or what disease you might be carrying. Don't touch my babies. Thank you. I realize this might make me seem overly protective but if you haven't had the sucky experience of having your child in the NICU then you might not get it. I am not a germaphobe by any means but I do hate it when random strangers feel drawn to touch. I am mostly talking about older women which is why I cut them some slack and don't smack their hands away. Ok please excuse me going off on a tangent there.
The most common questions I get about the girls are:
-Are they twins?
-Are they identical?
-How old are they?
These are the questions I expected of course and don't bother me (although repeating the same canned responses can get old quickly). Besides those, people are often quite confused about the girls' gender. They are regularly mistaken for being boys even when they are decked out in all pink. Normally in their stroller they have pink blankets and yet people here in Spain usually assume they are boys. Why?? Well because they don't have their ears pierced. It's a very common practice here. In fact, I would say that most parents have their daughters' ears pierced before they even leave the hospital after they are born.
We have decided against it for now. I think it's something Vera and Laura can decide when they are older. This makes us a minority and seems to confuse the hell out of people. I often get asked whether they are boys and when I reply that no, they are both girls, the most common response is, "oh well since they didn't have their ears pierced..."
 |
| Perfect little hole-less ears |
 |
| Obviously a boy |
Other comments we often receive:
-I bet you aren't bored.
-You've got your hands full.
-Now you don't have to have any more kids, right?
-Two?????!!!! (with a face of oh my god, better you than me)
-I bet you hope it's a boy and a girl so you can be finished (this was while I was pregnant, probably the most common thing that people would say. Apparently everyone wants one of each gender)
I have become quite efficient at just smiling and giving non-responses. I also have learned to laugh at people who try to sneak (not really the word since they have to usually put in quite a lot of effort to see when the stroller's canopies are up) a peak at the girls. I am curious to see if we get the same kind of attention when we are back in the U.S. this summer. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I will keep everyone updated.
In other news, Laura had her surgery this week and it went well. It wasn't a very complicated procedure but required general anesthesia so we spent the night at the hospital. Laura did great and we are all at home enjoying the weekend together.
Allie, they are so beautiful and precious. I would have loved twins. And yes, the questions get old and very redundant. I agree the ear piercing. It's their choice when they are older. It's not a one time thing, they can do it anytime. Good luck. People suck
ReplyDeleteSomeone actually suggested we take advantage of Laura's surgery and have her ears done then. Uhhh, no!
DeleteI think you were a smart mommy for being concerned about piercing your dd’s ears early. Admittedly, I know a lot of people have strong feelings when to pierce a child’s ear. “Let them decide” is being replaced by parental decision when mommy intuition knows, “earlier is better,” or other deep cultural influence. I think it just depends on your own personal choice whether or not you wish your baby or little girl to have pierced ears.
ReplyDeleteThere is no "right time" for every little girl. What is right for my baby may not be right for
someone else, and vice versa. However, I learned from my SIL, Isabella, that culturally it is very common for infants in Spain and Latin America to have their ears pierced before leaving the hospital.In fact, if the parents are poor, or do not receive earrings as a birth gift for the baby girl, the Madrina of the family pierces the baby girls ears with just a pin and a piece of red silk thread. Of course, "red" is the universal color signaling "love." When money is availale, then real earrings, red stones or often little gold hoops are used.
Why should simple earrings be important to a little baby girl unaware at this age? Well,in Hispanic cultures, earrings in little girls signify they are loved by their family and not just gender identification. Not having the girls ears pierced may signal to some they are not loved in your family which certainly isn't true. However, the outward appearance to some is important to signal nonverbal cues of love and affection by the parents.
Wanted to share another insight to explain as you say, "...I often get asked whether they are boys and when I reply that no, they are both girls, the most common response is, "oh well since they didn't have their ears pierced..." Actually, the query may have a more subtle meaning rather than simply are they perceived as girls or boys.
Hope this helps understand the concern of some who don't see that you love and cherish your children regardless of their sex.
Amy
amyswor1765@gmail.com
That's an interesting perspective and I bet it is the case with some of the older generation here where I live. I think with other moms my age in Spain they get their daughters' ears pierced because it is tradition but they don't think of it as loving their children more or less. There seems to be strong gender identification here as well (girls wear pink, boys wear blue type of thing). I haven't found a lot of gender neutral clothes, toys etc. I think that earrings fall into that as well. But like I mentioned, to each their own. If parents want to, pierce away!
Delete