Quijote as a Twihard?

Thanks to Groupon (if you aren´t signed up in your area you are crazy), Jose and I were able to spend last weekend in the central part of Spain. We visited Valdepeñas (a city famous for its wines) in Castilla-La Mancha where we were able to go to a spa and partake in a winery tour. We also went to visit the famed windmills (molinos) in Campo de Criptana (a pueblo that has little else) that are supposedly the ones mentioned in the epic battle scene in the Quijote by Cervantes. Thanks to my semester long course on this the first modern novel, I was able to nerdily enjoy them more than your average tourist. That being said, I got to thinking about our dearest Don Quijote and what his story would be like if he lived now. If you don´t know the basic premise here it is: a don nobody (Alonso Quijano) reads a bunch of chivalric novels that addle his brain enough that he changes his name to Don Quijote and sets out on a quest like the ones outlined in said books. He partakes in many battles, fights and shows of honor all in the name of his lady, Dulcinea, who is really just some random chick. While the reader is well aware that he is living out pure fantasies and that the people around him are manipulating him (even his sidekick Sancho Panza), he seems to truly believe in what he is doing, that he is fighting a giant for example in the case of the molinos. In the end (SPOILER ALERT) he seems to come to his senses and dies.

So while we were driving home yesterday, I got to thinking. Maybe it was the five-ish hour car ride. Maybe it was the fact that every 15 minutes another Lady Gaga song came on the radio. Or maybe I was just lulled by the flat, boring landscape only interrupted every once in a while by a random stripclub (pervy truck drivers apparently are a worldwide phenom) but I tried to imagine what Cervantes might have written had he been alive today. Chivalric novels were popular literature (read trash) of their day. They told the adventures of a knight and his heroic deeds. The protagonist followed a very specific code and was always working for the honor of his lady or damsel. They often had several continuations in which the same characters came back. Cervantes created a satire based on these novels. Now if I were Cervantes today, what awful books would I want to have my main character read in order to make him go crazy? Honestly (and this is coming from someone who read the first one to see what the hype was about) I can´t think of anything worse than the Twilight Saga which really sucks, seriously, both the story and the way it is poorly written. And, I can totally see how reading all three might actually make someone lose their mind. Plus, if you think about it, they kind of follow some of the same ideas as chivalric novels. There is a hero (Robert Pattinson) Edward who lives by proving himself to his lady (Kristen Stewoof) Bella. The whole book is a metaphor for maintaining her honor (see no premarital sex). He comes from a questionable background, you know the whole vampire thing which is like many knights whose stories begin with them at the bottom and who have to prove themselves and their valor to improve their circumstances. I know there is something with werewolves and I am not really sure how that fits into my scheme but work with me. So if I were Cervantes, my modern day Quijote would be a Twihard or a Twitard, whichever suits your fancy. He would read all 3 Twilight novels and go crazy and set out on a quest. Hilarity would ensue. The neighbors´dog would become a werewolf. A girl scout troop might be the coven of other vampires. The possibilities are endless. Now just to come up with the name for my modern day Quijote because the quest actually begins when he changes his name. What is similar enough to Edward Cullen to parody it? Dread Fulbook? Ian Notstrait? What about the Dulcinea-Bella Swan character? Chastity Raven? Thoughts?