I may be turning 25 in a week, but i am still a kid at heart

On Saturday I went to the circus for the first time in my recollection (thanks to a conversation in which I mentioned this fact). We arrived a few minutes early to stand outside in a line of children buzzing with anticipation outside the big top. It was infectious and I couldn´t help myself. I was just excited as them as we finally entered and found a spot. First positive: we had seats and weren´t on bleachers. Second bonus: Spanish circuses allow beer. Though I will say as a disclaimer that as an overall experience, I enjoyed myself, I think it would have been much better had we had a child or two with us. Like a niece or a borrowed neighbor (no kids for me right now, thank you very much). That being said, even riding my sugar high thanks to my first cotton candy in years, I was somewhat disappointed with my Spanish circus. The first act was the Amazing Miss Cameltoe, a very flexible gal whose ultratight body suit left little to the imagination. She was certainly a hit with the Dad crowd, but as she bent herself into vulgar and creepy positions, I couldn´t help but get bored. When she came out again later on, the kid behind me reflected my exact sentiments when he started whining to his mom, "Not her agaiiiiiiiiin." Next came the World´s Sweatiest Latin Juggler. I appreciate people who can juggle as someone who can´t, but I am pretty sure the stoner kids in the park could have done a better job than him. He kept dropping his baton things and though Jose claimed it was part of the act, I don´t think it was as was shown in his ever increasing sheen and wiping of sweaty paws. The whole time, I kept thinking, light something on fire or juggle something that can at least maim you. That would have made for a good show. There was Alexsi the Russian acrobat who swung from ropes hanging from the ceiling (I don´t know if he was actually from Eastern Europe but I imagine he was an ex-gymnast trained in the old Soviet Union by some overzealous coach hell-bent on winning at the Olympics) and also an older gent throwing knives at his sequin-clad blushing bride (both were about 60 years old). Let´s not even get into the clowns. We all know how creepy they are. What are so funny about big floppy shoes? With as many stereotypes as there were in this circus, what I missed the most and what I had been most excited to see were animals and there were none. No elephants on parade. No one stuck their head in a lion´s mouth. Nope. Not a one. What we did get was the "ring master" wearing a sweater and collared shirt who came out in the second act and sang children´s songs. He didn´t wear a top hat or have a whip. He did however have a microphone and went out into the crowd to get people to sing along with him. Since I shoved my way through all the kids to get a good seat in the front, I was right in the line of fire. This would have been okay, except the songs were all in Spanish and I had no clue how to sing them, unlike everyone else in the crowd. Here comes Mr. Circus CEO Man, pressing the microphone into the faces of smiling parents and kids with the spotlight following him. Holy sh**, he was getting close. I could feel myself sweating and praying that he wouldn´t get to me before the song ended so I wouldn´t have to shrug awkwardly and say something stupid like, "American." Luckily, I think he saw the look of utter panic in my face and passed us by. Thank God. Nothing like the possibility of total humiliation to make you feel like a kid again.