Maybe baby: PCOS Awareness in September

Lots of people close to me know this and then again I am sure a lot don't. Because it is such a personal, often times uncomfortable subject to bring up I have put a lot of thought into whether or not to write this post. However, since September marks PCOS awareness month, I am coming out. I was diagnosed a while ago with polycystic ovary syndrome aka PCOS. Everyone knows that the best way to get medical info is just to google it, so I will leave you to that to get all the dirty details about physiologically why women with this syndrome have irregular periods, easily gain weight (especially in their stomachs), have problems with hair growth and probably most tragically and frustrating, often suffer from fertility problems among other super great symptoms.

If you are curious, 2 articles for a quick overview of PCOS can be found here and here. 

My thoughts on PCOS and fertility problems in general: Why the whole thing sucks

PCOS is a real bitch. Besides all of the visible symptoms I mentioned above like gaining weight without any real life style changes (and having a really hard time losing it) or starting to see hair where it shouldn't be, or getting gray hair when you aren't old enough, or having bad acne as an adult, the worst thing is something that most people can't see unless they are either your partner, doctor or someone else intimate enough that you share personal details with: PCOS can and often makes it difficult to get pregnant. I'm not saying impossible because I know people who have had babies with PCOS but it sure wasn't easy physically, emotionally, spiritually and last but not least financially. 

Having fertility problems is frustrating no matter what the cause may be. You feel betrayed by your body because in essence what it was created to do (procreate) doesn't work. You feel like you are letting down your spouse because in some way it is your fault, it is your body that isn't doing what it should. You see the joy that a baby brings to families, to grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and wish to add to that happiness. You feel like your life is on hold as you try to be patient and not get your hopes up each month, after each trip to the doctor, after each treatment. It can be agonizing.

If you are my age (and live in the glorious time of Facebook with its incessant updates by folks starting their families) you can feel disloyal to friends and family because though you are overjoyed for them, each photo and status of babies tugs at your heart. Why not me? Why can't I do something that for others seems so simple? (If you start down this road of thought you eventually get to the people who have children who you know don't deserve them and your heart breaks a little more. Better to not go there). As easy as it is to beat yourself up over your problems, there are always others there to lend a hand in bringing to the forefront your fertility too.

There are those who feel ok asking when you plan on starting your family. They don't know that you've already started on what could be a long journey so you can't really blame them but it can hurt all the same. If you have been married for a while this question might become more frequent. I have been lucky in that I have more or less avoided this awkward question but I think my response might either be to just smile and say, "soon," or to launch into a rant about the last two years.

You might also have to deal with the well-wishing but clueless. I am referring to those people who are aware of your fertility issues and tell you to just be patient, that things will happen when they are meant to happen. I get that this is supposed to be comforting but believe me, IT ISN'T. In fact, it's a bit insulting. It's like saying, "Ignore everything your doctor and you have discussed. Put aside that treatment plan that you have been working hard on. Stop taking those medications and following a diet and work out regimen. Ignore the financial burden that fertility problems can cause and the plan you've made to pay for it all. If only you change your mindset, your ovaries are SURE to kick into gear."  Thank you, but that isn't how things work. The best thing to say to someone who is having fertility problems (be it from PCOS or another reason) is, "how are things going?" Let them share what they feel comfortable sharing about their progress. Let them complain if they need to. Let them bitch and moan about how unfair it is because honestly, it is. 

September is a good month to become aware of PCOS because 1 in 10 women are believed to suffer from this syndrome. That is a lot of people out there that are affected by this problem. But not a lot of them are talking about it. Because it is awkward and uncomfortable and taboo. Because fertility in general is a touchy subject. Because it is personal and somewhat secretive. Because people aren't always honest about fertility (how many celebrities are statistically really going to have twins in their 40s?) and the problems they face. 

So I guess in conclusion I will leave you and myself with this thought: I am optimistic that someday I will be a mom even if it isn't through traditional means. It might take longer than I had originally planned and will certainly be more difficult than it is for some but I'm sure that will just make me appreciate motherhood and that child (whoever that might be or where they come from) even more.